We have a Big Girl at our house:)

Chloe decided diapers were for babies and is going potty in the potty. She only had one accident yesterday and it was #2. The day before that she was dry all day!!!! She just woke up one day and decided she was going to go in the potty. We are so proud of her and super excited to be able to save some money on diapers.

*Disclaimer- This is probably more of a rant for me to get my thoughts out of my head as I am trying to process lots of things.

On Sunday, Phil and I went to an Adoption Celebration. In the beginning of the year we decided that we would not move forward with the process of adoption until we attended this and got more information. At the time, I thought it was a really long wait. I wasn't sure if my patience would last that long. Now, I can't believe it's already happened and we are ready to move forward with making some HUGE decisions about the future of our family. I was hoping to come away with a clear picture of what step to take next, but now I am feeling more confused. Originally our plan was to work with the state foster care system and adopt that way. Now, we may be leaning more towards fostering through an agency and adopting through an agency. One thing we hadn't thought about before was the importance of having someone in your corner. The state clearly has the goal of reuniting the child with their birth parents. We understand this, but are feeling like maybe we need someone in our corner too. An agency would provide this support. It would still be a possibility of the child being placed back with the biological family because we are choosing fostering before adoption,but there would still be a support system for us.

The other issue with this is cost. This will increase the cost because we will be going through another party. There is no price we can place on our child. We will make the sacrifices we need to in order to fulfill the call God has given us, but we do still need to work through this aspect of this process. We have 2 other friends that are currently going through the adoption process and are seeing great examples of how to overcome this burden. There are grants, tax credits, employer reimbursement, and fundraising we can do.

I guess the reality of the process is starting to sink in. It's different than conceiving your own child. When I got pregnant with Chloe, we had 9 months to get ready. This time, it could be 3 years. That's hard. That's 3 years our child is not with us. Time that our child is unsafe and going through things no child should ever experience. As a mother I want to protect my baby. I don't know what his or her face looks like, but I dream of the day that they will be with us. Safe. Feeling the love of a family that desires to be with them. Playing with their sister and laughing.

The news has become something I am avoiding when it comes to stories about children who have been abused or abandoned. A newborn baby was left in a trash bin this week. Discarded. There were 4 kids removed from a meth house last week. This just gets my mind on what could happen to our child. What are we going to have to overcome. What is going to get in the way of a child trusting and bonding with us. I'm just not ready for those things, so I have decided to stop reading and watching these stories.

There is a lot to process as a family. We need to prepare ourselves and our daughter for a long emotional road. I don't know if we will fully understand this process until we have finished it, but we are ready because God has called us.

Love of Music

I started memorizing songs at a young age. I have always loved music and have a broad range of music I listen to. Anything from 80's to country to classical. The past few months, we have noticed this same love of music in Chloe. She has lots of songs memorized (too many to count) and is always making up songs of her own. When she is in a room alone she sings to her babies and blanket. I love sneaking in the hallway just to listen to her sweet little voice.

When Chloe was born we started singing "I Love You Lord" to her at bed time or when she was fussy and needed cuddles. I still sing it to her before bed when she doesn't have a special request. The other night, we were rocking and she asked me to sing it to her. Her favorite line is "Take joy my King, in what you hear. May it be a sweet, sweet sound in your ear." She belted it out with such an honest joy to be singing this song. I am not sure that she understand the king we are singing to is God, but watching her make sure she got every word just right and the smile on her face when she was singing, reminded me that I need to have the faith of a child. Chloe doesn't understand all of the aspects of faith, but she does understand that God loves her and protects her. She understands that her also wants her to obey Him (and Mommy and Daddy). It has been a privilege to see her learn about God. I am excited for the personal relationship she will have with Him. I've always had a hard time understanding how kids could accept Christ at the age of 3 or 4, but now watching Chloe I get it. We are all born with a hole only God can fill. It's so important to show your children faith at a young age. For Chloe, it's a part of life. Her week isn't complete if she doesn't get to go to Sunday school. If we don't pray before bed, she can't go to sleep. When she thinks there are monsters in her room, sometimes the only way I can get her to calm down is to pray for her and let her know that God is protecting her. I feel so blessed that God has trusted Phil and I to guide Chloe as she grows her relationship with Christ. There are times when we feel like we don't know what we are doing, but God knows what He is doing. What an amazing thing to see Him working on such a young child!!

Pray For Kate

There is a little 5 year old in Arizona I have been praying for named Kate. I wanted to share her story with you. It's amazing how God uses your connections to other people to show you others that are in need of prayer. The daughter of one of the pastors I worked with at Far Hills is best friends with Kate. Please check out the blog Kate's parents are keeping about their journey and pray for Kate. God has done some amazing things for this family. There is still so much to pray for. God is the great healer. Pray that he will perform a miracle and heal Kate.

http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/mcraekate

Chloe's first haircut

Before:

After:

Is anybody out there???

So, as I look at my comments, I see that I have one faithful reader. I know there are times where I don't get on here for a long time, so I am wondering who actually keeps up with this blog besides my mom and Kent. The question I am getting at is, is this blog thing really worth my time. So, if you are a faithful reader, please comment on this post so I know you are out there. I guess if it's only mom and Kent then I will just speak to them in person about the things I decide are blog worthy:)

First of all, I would like to thank my friends and family for the prayers for my mom. For those of you who don't know, my mom went in to have her gall bladder removed last Wednesday. The surgery we great, but after the surgery she aspirated (food came up from her stomach and went into her lungs) when she was waking up from the anesthesia. Her lungs collapsed and she developed pneumonia. She has been in the ICU since Thursday. So, an outpatient surgery turned into a long stay in the hospital. She will be there until at least Friday. She was originally planning on being back to work by yesterday.

We were reminded this weekend how much a 2 year old absorbs. Even when you try to protect them, they know something is wrong. Chloe kept talking about mom the whole time we were there. She often talked about how grandma was sick, but she would be okay. One day she asked me where grandma was and told me she needed her. While we were at my parents house, she would pick up things and tell us they were grandma's. She is still having trouble sleeping and doesn't like it if Phil or I leave her.

Please continue to pray for my mom as she heals. It will be a slow process and I know she wants to get back to work. Pray that she takes the time she will need. Also pray for the doctors. They think there may be some underlying issues that they plan to address after she is out of the hospital. Pray for my dad and my brother Eric. Thanks for all of your support and the phone calls. They mean a lot! On our way up to Kalamazoo, I felt peace because I knew we were being prayed for. What an awesome feeling. Thanks!! I know my mom is going to kill me for posting this picture, but it's the only one I had right now:)