*Disclaimer- This is probably more of a rant for me to get my thoughts out of my head as I am trying to process lots of things.

On Sunday, Phil and I went to an Adoption Celebration. In the beginning of the year we decided that we would not move forward with the process of adoption until we attended this and got more information. At the time, I thought it was a really long wait. I wasn't sure if my patience would last that long. Now, I can't believe it's already happened and we are ready to move forward with making some HUGE decisions about the future of our family. I was hoping to come away with a clear picture of what step to take next, but now I am feeling more confused. Originally our plan was to work with the state foster care system and adopt that way. Now, we may be leaning more towards fostering through an agency and adopting through an agency. One thing we hadn't thought about before was the importance of having someone in your corner. The state clearly has the goal of reuniting the child with their birth parents. We understand this, but are feeling like maybe we need someone in our corner too. An agency would provide this support. It would still be a possibility of the child being placed back with the biological family because we are choosing fostering before adoption,but there would still be a support system for us.

The other issue with this is cost. This will increase the cost because we will be going through another party. There is no price we can place on our child. We will make the sacrifices we need to in order to fulfill the call God has given us, but we do still need to work through this aspect of this process. We have 2 other friends that are currently going through the adoption process and are seeing great examples of how to overcome this burden. There are grants, tax credits, employer reimbursement, and fundraising we can do.

I guess the reality of the process is starting to sink in. It's different than conceiving your own child. When I got pregnant with Chloe, we had 9 months to get ready. This time, it could be 3 years. That's hard. That's 3 years our child is not with us. Time that our child is unsafe and going through things no child should ever experience. As a mother I want to protect my baby. I don't know what his or her face looks like, but I dream of the day that they will be with us. Safe. Feeling the love of a family that desires to be with them. Playing with their sister and laughing.

The news has become something I am avoiding when it comes to stories about children who have been abused or abandoned. A newborn baby was left in a trash bin this week. Discarded. There were 4 kids removed from a meth house last week. This just gets my mind on what could happen to our child. What are we going to have to overcome. What is going to get in the way of a child trusting and bonding with us. I'm just not ready for those things, so I have decided to stop reading and watching these stories.

There is a lot to process as a family. We need to prepare ourselves and our daughter for a long emotional road. I don't know if we will fully understand this process until we have finished it, but we are ready because God has called us.

Random Thoughts

So, I have been accused by someone (my husband) of ignoring my blog. Really there hasn't been much to share, so instead of boring my readers with things like what I fixed for dinner last night (amazing scalloped potatoes and ham), I have opted to just remain silent. I decided today I would just fill you in on some random things going on in our lives. Sorry if these just bore you, but they are big things in our house:)

We will be potty training this weekend. I am super excited. Phil not so much. We (I) have opted to try the straight to big girl panties method. So this weekend Chloe will be living in rubber pants while we embark on a great adventure. She has been very interested in the potty for a while, so I know she is ready, it will just be challenging.

On a side note, our friends Jenny and Trevor are adopting! We are so excited for them. They are doing a foster to adopt. Phil and I have discussed this type of adoption before, so Jenny and Trevor's experience has opened up this conversation again in our house. While we don't know what God's plans for us are in this department, we are excited about the possibilities. Please pray that God's plan will become clear. While we know it will be a couple of years before we start to seriously explore this possibility, we are planners and like to know what to expect in the future. Also pray for Jenny and Trevor. They are house hunting and dealing with job issues for Trevor on top of all of this. They have a little boy Noah who will be going through lots of changes this year. Pray that he adjusts well.